FIC, Mibu-Times/Dispatch,Pt 3/11, RK, PMK, Shinsengumi, Kenshin, PG

Title: Mibu Times-Dispatch

Author:BarbaraSheridan (with much assistance from Miss Behavin)

E-mail:

Source:RK/PMK

Main character(s): Entire Shinsengumi

General Rating: PG-13

Warning: Implied sexual situations some may be m/m, also may contain
some mild profanity

Disclaimer: The versions of these characters belong to their creators
Nobuhiro Watsuki and Nanae Kurono
-------------------------------------

Vol 3

To the Citizens of Kyoto from Chief Kondou:

We of the Shinsengumi take our appointment as the Defenders of Kyoto very
seriously and I assure each and every one of you that we are a
well-disciplined, highly moral group of men despite the recent actions
of one of our former administrators Serizawa Kamo and his minions.

Vice-Chief Hijikata and I extend out most sincere apologies and assure
you that a thorough investigation has been completed and appropriate
punishment handed down.

Aku Soku Zan

# # # # # # # #

Editorial: A Fond Farewell

It is with deep regret that I must resign my post as editor of this
newspaper as well as resign my commission in the Shinsengumi, due to
irreconcilable differences in the running of this organization.

Chief Kondou has agreed to step in until a new editor can be found. My
best to you all.

Yamanami Keisuke

Editor-in-Chief

# # # # # # # # # #

Notice:

Company commanders are reminded that copies of the Internal Regulations
MUST be
posted in each company's quarters. You are encouraged to go over these
regulations on a weekly basis and I strongly advise you to emphasize

Articles 1 & 2

Article 1: Everyone shall behave according to Bushido at all times.

Article 2: Desertion shall not be permitted.

---Hijikata

# # # # # # # # #

Dear Ayu-nee,

My life is a mess and I can't stand it! My parents were killed a few
years back and I've been living with my older brother who is the worst!
He makes me sleep in a closet. He's always lecturing me and shoving me
on the ground and accusing me of doing something bad even when I'm
totally innocent. I thought things would change when he got a new job
in the finance office of a local paramilitary group and I decided to
apply too, to show him that I really am grown up. What a mistake that
was! The job is a dead end and what's worse is my boss! The man is an
absolute demon and nothing I do is ever good enough to suit him!

If that's not bad enough the guys here treat me like I'm some kind of a
freak just because I'm a little short for my age. They tease me
constantly and act like I'm some kind of personal pet. I do have one
friend among them but he's always busy working, he hasn't been feeling
well and even though he doesn't say anything I think he's having
problems with his "significant other".

Oh, wait, Ayu-nee it gets even worse! There's this guy (my age) who
works here too and for some reason I can't stop thinking about him. He
does a lot of undercover work and sometimes he has to disguise himself
as a woman and when he does he's so freakin' kawaii I can't stand it!
Lately I've been having this dream where I'm walking down the street and
he's dressed like a girl and he grabs me and drags me into an alley and....

Well, let's just say that the past few nights I'm kind of glad my
brother makes me sleep alone in a closet.

The bad part is that it's hard trying to explain why I need clean sheets
every day...

Can you help me? Will things ever get better? Do those dreams mean
I'm-----gay?

-----Don't call me Puppy-kun!

Dear Pup,

This is quite a complicated set of events and I do sympathize. However,
I think the best advice I can give would be in person and I encourage
you to send me a note c/o this paper to arrange a private meeting.

# # # # # # # #

Full Page Notice:

Attendance is Mandatory for Captain Harada's lecture tomorrow

evening--My Brush with Seppuku and What it Means to You.

There will also be a quiz on the Internal Regulations.

# # # # # # # # # #

This Just In:

Yamanami Keisuke, formerly with the Shinsengumi was found dead this
morning of

an apparent suicide. No details are available and an official
investigation is under way.

# # # # # # # # # #

Official Notice:

All members are Strongly Encouraged to attend the memorial service for
Captain Okita Souji's cat Buttons tomorrow noon at Mibu Temple. While
special dispensation will be granted to those members scheduled to be on
patrol such members are expected to offer their condolences to Captain
Okita immediately following the end of their shift.

-----Hijikata

# # # # # # # # # #

Addendum to Official Notice:

All rumors circulating in the compound concerning the demise of Captain
Okita's cat Buttons shall cease immediately as it is upsetting my Souji.
The cat was not eaten by anyone. It was merely caught in the crossfire
of Captain Harada's skirmish with Ishin scum while it attempted to jump
up and play with the fuzzy ball thing on his uniform.

----Hijikata

# # # # # # #

Dear Editor:

It has been brought to my attention that I have been slandered in your
publication. I refer to the recent letter by one Mr. (Or Miss) Katsura
concerning my runaway adoptive son and kenjutsu pupil Kenshin Himura.

I have never abused Kenshin in any manner. I rescued the boy from slave
traders and gave him a stable home as well as instruction in the great
Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu--- Instruction which he clearly did not appreciate
as he ran off before his training was complete.

I'm certain that those of you with teenagers can understand how it is
when your child falls in with the "wrong crowd"--- in this case a bunch
of older left wing political extremists . I tried my best to talk sense
into the boy but he refused to listen so that I had no choice but to let
the little shit choose his own path and learn from his mistakes.

As far as allegations of my alleged "sake addiction" I will have you
know, Katsura K. that I drink no more t han the average citizen. And
since when is it a crime to enjoy a cup of fine sake to help one relax?
Again, those of you with teenagers can surely appreciate this simple
pleasure I allow for myself.

Should anyone be in contact with my son please tell him that I have not
permanently closed the door to him he has only to seek my guidance and I
will be there.

Sincerely,

Hiko Seijuro

# # # # # # # #



Advertisement:

The AOIYA restaurant and Inn is now open for your dining pleasure. Come
sample our Grand Opening Lunch and Dinner Buffet Specials!

We would like to assure you that contrary to certain false rumors
currently being circulated by our competitors *cough* Ikeda-ya *cough*
we are a legitimate business and not a front for a subversive shinobi
organization.

# # # # # # #



Note from the Interim Editor:

Since many readers have requested a personals advertisement column we
have decided to give it a trial run beginning with the next issue. Ad
placement is free and there will be a nominal fee for private reply
boxes at the barracks post office. We respectfully ask that you keep
your ads as "clean" as possible as this is a family newspaper.

# # # # # # #

Dear Ayu-nee:

I am a member of one of the most respected units of a local law
enforcement agency and while I take great pride in my unit I am
concerned with the way our Captain treats us. He is a rather intolerant
man whose personal code of Aku Soku Zan leaves no room for even the
simplest human error. I hesitate approaching his immediate superior as
they seem to be cut from the same mold. Can you offer any advice?
Transferring to a new job is out of the question, I'm afraid.

Nervous

Dear Nervous:

Perhaps your Captain is under a bit of stress. I know that the crime
rate has been steadily rising and it's quite possible that your
superior's superiors are giving him a hard time. Please hang in there
and keep me posted.



# # # # # #



Employment Opportunity

There is an opening for a skilled, non nonsense swordsman in the Third
Unit.

Send letters of application to Shinsengumi Headquarters Attention
Captain Saitou.

# # # # # #



Official Notice:

Interested citizens who may have come to earlier meetings concerning the
latest Shinsengumi Recruitment Drive are encouraged to come back for the
next round of information sessions.

It seems that Captain Saitou slightly overstated the dangers associated
with our organizations. The probability of being slaughtered by a single
Ishin hitokiri is far smaller than the good captain may have led you to
believe and while our Internal Regulations are rather stringent they are
by no means an automatic death sentence for even the slightest
infraction.

Future meetings will be overseen by Captain Nagakura of the Second Unit
and a nurse will be in attendance should we have anymore fainting
incidents.

# # # # # # #

Dear Ayu-nee,

It's Plum again, I've been holed up here in the middle of nowhere with
the boy wonder for weeks now and he's been looking at me like he wants
to...you know, play house "for
real"...Ewwwwwwww. What do I do now?

Plum Crazy but not in Kyoto

DearPlum,



Just sit the young man down and explain gently but clearly that you're
flattered by his attention, but that you're not interested in him that
way. Remind him you're only doing your job. 'm sure he'll understand....
It's not as if he's violent or anything, right?

P.S. Perhaps if you have a brother he might help set this young man

straight.

# # # # # #



Dear Ayu-nee, It's Red, remember me :-)

The job thing has settled down a bit and now I'm on an out of town
assignment, the problem is y roommate. She's an older woman and I think
I'm in love with her, well maybe not love but definitely lust, *blush*
She's really hot in a dazed sort of way and well, I'm not as experienced
as you might think so how do I , um, you know, do it?

Red

Dear Red,

I've referred your letter to you to my colleague Capt Harada who offers
this advice:

"Loosen her up with a bit of sake, some candelight and a nice meal. Talk
a little about "chick stuff"--- you know, family, gardening, etc and
then make like it's no big deal and sit by yourself
while she goes off and combs her hair or reads a book. If she comes and
sits near you just follow our instincts and do what comes naturally. If
Shinpachi can score with this plan then anyone can!

# # # # # # # #



Employment Opportunity

Wanted Laundry supervisor, preferably male (or a female not prone to
fainting at the accidental sight of 100+ naked men.)

Apply Shinsengumi HQ





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