Konnichiwa!
At the last anime con I attended, I stumbled across a movie called
Kunoichi: Deadly Mirage that mentioned the Shinsengumi. I immediately
purchased the movie, and later found that it was not in the list at SHQ
(or in IMDB, for that matter). After watching it, I think I know why,
but I will offer this review to save anyone else who might come across
it. I will try to avoid revealing any spoilers (not that there is much
to reveal in the first place).
The blurb from the back cover is more plot than you get in the movie
itself: "During the Edo period of Japan, out of fear of losing
authority, the Tokugawa shogunate hires the Shinsengumi to bring down
the Imperial Court. However, the Satsuma clan finds out about the
Tokugawa's scheme and sends the last five Kunoichi (female ninjas) of
Hiryu Ninja Clan to spy on the Shinsengumi. Meanwhile, an evil skeletal
demon is brought to life to murder the Kunoichi ninjas and destroy the
world."
The most important thing to this audience, I'm sure, is the Shinsengumi
content; I'll cover that first, as it won't take long. The only
recognizable members are Hijikata and Okita. Hijikata was played by
Hiroyuki Watanabe, who went with the tried-and-true heartless killer
approach to the character. He actually was on the movie poster and DVD
cover (because he actually has a career; he was in Ringu and a variety
of rubber-suit monster movies), but he gets about two minutes of screen
time. Okita was played by the standard young, cute, heart-throb type,
and manged to be even more wishy-washy than the Peacemaker Okita;
obviously he was still haunted by the death of Yamanami, which he talks
about over and over and over. Every other member of the Shinsengumi
shown is a generic extra, all of whom are dumb, poor swordsmen, and
fated to die violently.
The overall feel of the movie is amateurish; it looks like a class
project from a film school. The fight choreographer obviously quit
after the first fight scene (which wasn't _horribly_ bad), because the
combat gets progressively worse as the movie runs. I think the director
raided a kendo school for Shinsengumi extras, as most the extras seem to
know at least which end of the sword to hold. The ninja and Okita, on
the other hand, look like they studied swordsmanship for about five
minutes before shooting started; my four-year-old niece can use a sword
more effectively and more convincingly than these people. By the end of
the movie, the fight scenes were almost painful to watch.
The special effects are perfect for anyone who has ever watched Dr. Who
and said "Those effects just look a little too convincing to me." They
were poorly done on some PC graphics package (maybe the Paint program
that comes with Windows?); the edges of the overlays were poorly
trimmed, the CG effects didn't mesh at all with the live film, etc.
Granted, this movie was made in 1997, but this was bad by 1980's BBC
standards. The "skeletal demon" and his zombie sidekicks looked weak,
fought poorly, and barely moved.
The writing probably took at least a half hour; there were plenty of
plot holes you could pilot the SDF-1 through. The ninja's dialog seemed
to consist entirely of "You go on ahead, I'll hold them here as long as
I can" and determined-looking nods, while Okita whined his way through
all of his scenes.
The costumes are the only decent thing about the movie. The Shinsengumi
have their light blue jackets, the ninja are dressed 1980's style (full
black costumes (though the leader has a red vest), instead of the more
modern fishnet and miniskirt style, ala Ninja Scroll). The sets look
convincingly Tokugawa-era.
There is a little gratuitous nudity (top only).
Overall, I have to say it's probably not the worst movie I've ever seen,
but none that are worse come immediately to mind. I don't even think
it's worth renting; the only reason I'm keeping my copy is that it is
perfect fodder for a Mystery Science Theater make-over.
I apologize about the length of the review; thanks to anyone who
actually read this far.
Arigatou,
Chuck Harris
--
Chuck Harris "You can tame a dog with food, you can tame a
chuckjharris@... man with money, but no one can tame a wolf
Baka soku zan! of Mibu!" -- Saito Hajime, Rurouni Kenshin