Why did the chicken cross the road?
Edo/Bakumatsu Style
By
Shimazu Masayoshi and BarbaraSheridan
Katsura Kogoru---to free itself from Shogunate egg tax oppression---oh and to expel the barbians (after they sell us firearms and ammunition),Oh yeah and I suppose it might be going to revere the Emperor--whathisname
Yamanami Keisuke---to ponder the grim reality of its existence and to seek spiritual guidance on how to cope...whether to stay and accept or reject and flee..
Mori Motonori (lord of Choshuu)-- The chicken is a Tokugawa lapdog, and must be punished accordingly.
Tokugawa Yoshinobu-- As long as it preserves the Shogunate, I don't care what the chicken is doing.
Tokugawa Nariaki (Yoshinobu's father)-- We have to build more coastal gun emplacements to ward off future invasions by these barbarian birds!
Sakuma Shozan-- We NEED this chicken! The French had Napoleon, didn't they?
Matsukura Shigemasa (no connection to the Bakumatsu, but I felt like including him)-- The chicken is a Christian, and conspiring with Spain. Barbecue it!
Amakusa Shiro-- Don't you see? The chicken is an emissary of the Lord! Death to the Tokugawa!
Emperor Komei-- Is it infected?
Takasugi Shinsaku-- This chicken will be all the ammunition we need to topple the Shogunate.
Commodore Perry-- The chicken is the new US ambassador
Harada Sanosuke----A chicken is food right? *looks for stew pot then steps across the road to wait*
Itou Kashitarou---You see Hijikata! Even the livestock are coming with me!
Saitou Hajime-- Niwatori. Soku. Zan.
(Slay Chicken Instantly)
Enomoto Takeaki-- To join his comrades in fighting against the supposed "new order".
Sakamoto Ryoma-- The chicken has no plans to construct any secret aliances. DON'T WORRY~! HAAHAHAHAHAA!
Nagakura Shinpachi-- Because he needed some fresh vegetables after his fukouchou stepped on the first batch.
Hijikata Toshizou-- How dare you, Chicken!
Kondou Isami --He's looking for chickens who will treat him as their proper leader and not some old man.
Sagawa Kanpei (Chief councilor of Aizu domain)-- To sneak an attack on the dirty Imperials at Bangemachi.
Shimada Kai-- (draws sword) Where do you think you're going, chicken?
Yamazaki Susumu--I'm not sure but the chicken is certainly up to no good I'll follow him and report back
Shimazu Hisamitsu (daimyo of Satsuma)-- To form an alliance that just happens to be convenient for me.
Yamanouchi Yodo (daimyo of Tosa)-- I'm not quite sure what stance to take on the chicken's action yet, but my loyalties to the Tokugawa house demand I stand by the Shogun in this time of avian crossing.
Shimazu Masayoshi (lazy college student)-- The Japanese chicken, or Chickenus Nipponicus, has an interesting history behind it. In 1185, the first shogun, Minamoto Yoritomo, instituted the government office of the Niwatori-bugyosho, or High Commissioner of Chickens, to regulate the living conditions of chickens across the realm. Now, with the overthrow of the Minamoto and rise of the Ashikaga a century and half later...
Barbara Sheridan (smutty romance author)--The chicken is going in search of his long lost love in the hopes of winning her back from that bad new lecherous Ishin hawk that stole her from him.
Sasaki Tadasaburou-- I confess, we killed the chicken. Although Kondou-san is going to get all the blame (whistles idly).
Serizawa Kamo-- (smacks chicken with iron war fan) Maybe this will teach you to listen to authority!!
Saigou Takamori-- The chicken wants to end the Way of the Samurai! We will not let it!
Okubo Toschimi--It is a great day for Japan when chickens can roam free. However there will be new road tax to compensate for the extra traffic
Seta Soujirou-- I have a message from Mr. Shishio for the chicken. It seems that you wanted to send Mr. Himura to kill me. It was a good plan...but won't work. This country is mine.
Kawai Tsugunosuke (chief councilor of the Nagaoka domain)-- The dirty rebel chicken will fall prey to my mighty Gatling guns!! Mwaahahahahahahahaaaa!
Kobayashi Torasaburou (de facto ruler of Nagaoka after the battle)-- To sell 100 bales of rice, so that we can have enough money for a school that'll educate all the chickens of the domain.
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